Anonymous asked:
you tell crazy stories but has a woman ever tried to kill you ?

jimmbbo:

perfect-melodies-filthy-wubs:

prettyboyshyflizzy:

This one girl accused me of cheating for having female friends (which i wasnt fucking or flirting with but was just cool friends I dont wanna talk to a bunch of niggas all day i need a female perspective on things) she was screaming at me for 20 mins straight

i dont argue back cause im laid back im just like mhmmm mhmmm looking in my phone checking sports scores and on twitter … so at one point she says “was the pussy atleast good my nigga?” i was like “mmhmm that shit was nice and tight”  all of a sudden i heard silence i look up shes like

image

*this is the moment where i knew i fucked up*

just looks at me like that for like 20 seconds “im like bae im just playing.. im just playing…”  she runs to the kitchen… and starts going in the drawers “im like shawty u needa chill”   im like “im just playing”

she pulls something out all i see was the light beam reflect off it

i get a good look i see this in her hand

im in the couch like

she starts running towards me so i open the door step outside then shut the door from the outside and use all my body weight to hold onto the door knob, She used to run track in highschool so i think she gon catch me so im like nah im not even gon run and get stabbed in the spine

she pulling tryna open it lol im in a project type building on the 12th floor man I was standing there for 43 mins shorty aint have an ounce of quit in her. People walking by laughing hearing her screaming at me

some middle aged lady walked by she was like 50 she was like “mmmmhmmm she caught your ass didnt she”

im like “ma’am help my arms tired”

she was like ahaaa nope “call that bitch you was fucking for help”  and walked into her apt

then shorties mom came out the elevator i was like thank god.. she was like oh lord what u do.. i was like “nothingg ma’am she got a knife i swear i did nothing ” her mom was like “kita put the damn knife down im coming in if u stab me imma beat your ass” i feel the pressure get off the door and i make a run for it i see her try to come chase me but her mom blocks her Im sure i coulda beat usain bolt in a race the way i was running

she was really gon stab me, If her moms aint come i woulda still been standing there holding the door to this day

i’ve never re-blogged something so quick in my life. 

I fuckin love tumblr stories

fluffyfit:

surimistick:

i was making a lot of mistakes and then my archery instructor said:

“you make mistakes because you’re focusing on the target and not on your actions”

and i was like woah

thanks for giving me the best life advice i’ve ever gotten

guys just think about how applicable this is to EVERYFUCKINGTHING

(via spaghettihos)

(Source: obesenigger, via tyleroakley)

"I was at the Oscars once, for Serpico. That was the second time I was nominated. I was sitting in the third or fourth row with Diane Keaton. Jeff Bridges was there with his girl. No one expected me to come. I was a little high. Somebody had done something to my hair, blew it or something, and I looked like I had a bird’s nest on my head, a real mess. I sat there and tried to look indifferent because I was so nervous. Any time I’m nervous, I try to put on an indifferent or a cold look. At one point, I turned to Jeff Bridges and said, "Hey, looks like there won’t be time to get to the Best Actor awards." He gave me a strange look. He said, "Oh, really?" I said, "It’s over, the hour is up." He said, "It’s three hours long." I thought it was an hour TV show, can you imagine that? And I had to pee bad. So I popped a Valium. Actually, I was eating Valium like they were candy. Chewed on them. Finally came the Best Actor. Can you imagine the shape I was in? I couldn’t have made it to the stage. I was praying, "Please don’t let it be me. Please." And I hear … "Jack Lemmon." I was just so happy I didn’t have to get up, because I never would have made it."

(via trickorruddytreat)

unculture:

the rock is fucking precious

(Source: jessicaisgray, via spaghettihos)

nadalnews:

Someone really needs to work on his poker face.

bubblesofrinia:

mockeryd:

sizvideos:

Watch the video 

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Dog: I AM SORRY BABY HUMAN! DO NOT CRY ANYMORE! i SHALL BRING YOU MORE TOYS

watch the video tho, it brings the baby a PS3 controller OTL

(via bieberinmypants69)

dutchster:

so sometimes i wake up when having a weird dream and write them down and i just

image

(via spaghettihos)

How Time Flies: part 2 | part 1

(via hothunnam)

hoe-bana:

Me when I have kids

(Source: shaeried, via shnanbla)

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